Unmanageable

Posted on | August 26, 2010 | No Comments

as written July 9, 2008

Powerlessness is an aspect of humility. Fhhhhhhhhhhhhhuuuuuuu…

-I am powerless over Brent’s sex drive and his sex addiction
-I am powerless that Brent dates and has sex with other women
-I am powerless over the reality that these women know he is married
-I am powerless over Brent’s love – and whether his love is still there for me, or whether it is not
-I am powerless over the fact that Brent sees only his hatred and resentment of me, and doesn’t really see me
-I am powerless over the pain that I feel because of how Brent hates himself and projects his shame onto me because I am “better” than him
-I am powerless to make Brent feel and see his own worth and who he really is (even with all my gifts I can’t make him see) when I have seen it
-I am powerless now over the loss of my most prized possession, my Roxy
-I am powerless over my fathomless self-pity
-I am powerless over my overpowering NUMBNESS
-I am powerless over Brent’s pending decision to stay with me or not
-I am powerless over his fellow addicts/roommates and how they didn’t tell me he was cheating
-I am powerless over Brent’s infidelity
-I am powerless over Brent’s recovery
-I am powerless over my own recovery (when I don’t let God run the show)

How’s that for humility, God? Does that suffice? Will you make it go away, now?

I’m counting on it.

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