The Wedding: Lay It Down

Posted on | June 3, 2011 | No Comments

as written October 15 to 18, 2009. Continued from here…

With their wedding on October 17th, I flew in to beantown a couple days before to partake in the festivities and preparation. I also, still not wanting to be alone, invited my good friend Meesh along to be my companion. She jumped at it, jumped on a plane, and came with me a couple days after I did. God bless her, and her friendship.

The morning of The Day shone with Katrina’s cheery eyed and so excited smiles. I couldn’t help but remember my day feeling that way. Before we left for the ceremony, I saw the thick patch of beautiful white daisies in my mother’s garden, and I pulled two and brought them with me. We got to the temple and my emotions just overran…

It was freezing cold, but I asked for the sun (it was supposed to rain all day), and suddenly – the clouds disappeared and there was nothing but blue sky and sun. And cold, cold wind. I walked around outside the beautiful building for a minute, but was so overwhelmed. All the memories, all the emotions, all of his emotions just completely blew through me as thoroughly as the wind itself. I couldn’t hide from it, or swallow it down, or ignore it. We walked into the temple, saw family and friends…I looked down the hall and remembered the picture of the Savior with His red coat on the wall opposite of me. That was the last thing I saw before I turned the corner to see loved ones, before I walked out to meet them and see my new husband again. I literally, couldn’t bear it. Then Katrina came, and we hugged her, and I grabbed her and held her close. She was stunning and exquisite, and utterly joyful and contented.

We walked out after her and then the pictures began. Everywhere we walked, there was a memory. As their pictures were taken, I saw everyone that (the same photographer) had taken of us. I felt the energy and love of the rocks, the ground, the stone sweeps up the lawn, the tree where he held me close. We took pictures until the wind about did us in, and then I walked inside to get warm again. I looked up in the hallway leading to outside, and just opened the doors up to my heart. I let it come. And it was an onslaught…it was a sweeping saga and it was strong. I walked outside, and then around the entire temple. I saw snippets of flowers; vivid purples and yellows against the otherwise dying vegetation. The stained glass, how I remembered it. I walked around it and the tears came. Suddenly, I could feel Brent’s spirit right there, grabbing me and pulling me close against him, nuzzling my ears and neck like he always loved to do. I walked around to the front, and my brother Jake was looking for me. Everyone had left, was heading for the reception site. I told him to wait a minute.

I stood in front of the temple, looking up at it, right in the center. Right next to the sweeping stones, and I let it come. I stood there and sobbed, because I could feel all of Brent’s love for me that day; but it was an aching, sorrowful love…tinged with sadness despite the power of it. I remembered his words. His promises. The way I felt. I’m not even sure quite what else I was feeling, but that it surged forward and then I let it leave me. I stood there for a while, until I knelt down and laid the two white flowers on the temple grounds, our funeral, stood up and got in the car, and we moved on.