Stopped

Posted on | August 29, 2010 | No Comments

as written July 11, 2008

I am in this in-between space; and I do not know how to cross this rocky and desert land to the “next” phase of life or recovery. This space where time has chosen to take a breath, and I feel I cannot move this way or that until my heart gives me the go-ahead. No decisions must be made here, for in this numbness I cannot even feel my higher power.

But my heart has said, “Stop. I must be still for as long as I need to be still. I need you to be still with me, for in grieving we are learning to work together – spirit, body, heart, and mind, instead of all living completely separate lives. To do this, you need to allow yourself to be still in this parched and desolate land, accept the scorching sun for what it is, accept the excruciating thirst and let it be what it is. I, your heart, cannot move forward toward the trees until I have been still long enough in this place to learn to breathe again. This new pain must be felt. Do not run from it, be with it. Whatever comes, allow it to. Have patience in this shocking and numbing time. It is necessary and it is okay that you are here. Do not rush it, be with it. And as I have always done, I, your heart, will not lead you astray. I obey the laws of God and the rules of recovery. We are all becoming one. Let yourself be here, and it is enough.”

My heart has said, “Stop,” and I cannot ignore her any longer. So still, I will become.

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Category: It's all about the Feelings, Loving On Myself

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