Q&A

Posted on | January 27, 2012 | No Comments

as written October 19, 2010

Dearest Abba and Co. (smile)…

I feel all these things swirling around, and am sensitive to it to some depth. And I feel the questions come and the answers impress themselves from my spirit into my mind, I think I should write them down.

There are all these little things that get my attention, that flare up my…envy and jealousy, I suppose. How odd to feel those. But they do. My dreams. And I keep telling myself to let the denial fade away, to lose its potency so that I might see and feel truth. Can you give me some truth today, Abba?

Yes, my dove.

I feel like you want me to know some things.

It is well with me that you shall.

I guess now that I trust you’ll answer, I don’t want to know the answers. Abba? Please help me through it!

Always and forever, my sweetest Lily. I am here always. You are never alone.

Okay then. Please, I just want the denial gone.

You are not in denial, love.

Is that my denial talking!?

You feel doubt, and it shudders your heart. Your heart does not doubt me any longer, love. The doubt is your fear. Your denial is too flimsy now to deceive you.

Ok. So what do I need to know? I felt that…Adam is contemplating being with me.

That is so, love. He does. Thinking about it. More than feeling about it.

Is there someone else he is interested in?…Okay. Should I not ask that question?

Not at this time.

Does that mean there ISSSS!?!? And WHY do I care so much still about it!? I just want to not…

I know. This is his decision he is making. His path he is choosing. It will determine the course of his journey for now and the future.

I just keep getting snippets into…things that catch my attention. And I KNOW this kind of thing, it happened with Brent! And I just don’t want to be lied to. I don’t want to miss what you’re trying to tell me. These little signs, they are starting to mess up my rhythm and make me…doubt. Look around. I suppose.

They are not nothing, love. Everything is always something. They are teachers, as always.

What do I need to learn? What are they telling me? I am afraid I jump to conclusions because of my ancient pain instead of seeing things as they are, and it’s like looking through blurry eyes and it’s making me frustrated.

Then simply pay attention, and let the rest go. Do not analyze or mind trick what you see. Feel with your heart.

My heart tells me that I don’t need to worry about it.

Your heart speaks truth.

Only my head makes me crazy. But shouldn’t there be a balance between both heart and mind? I’m living only in one lately, and that’s half shut down. When do I bring them together?

When it’s time.

It pisses me off to hear that.

I know, love. (I hear him laughing).

Am I supposed to do anything? Say anything? Go anywhere?

You have done all I asked, and more. There is no more for you to do except wait and receive.

You won’t tell me any more about him, will you? And you’re blocking me from seeing and feeling him.

Yes. I am God. And I do all things on your behalf, not my own.

Why?

Because it would take away from the end result…you will not feel it in all its entirety if I allow you to feel it first in pieces, now. There is beauty and perfection in my planning, and I want you to trust me in that.

I’m afraid of being the woman not chosen, once more. It makes me heart thump wrong in my chest. Can you hear it?

Yes, I hear it. Most importantly, I feel it in my own. I still carry YOUR heart, sweet one of all. I validate your fear, and I am glad you have spoken it. You know that speaking fears releases the secrets and shame. I wish no shame upon you. And I have chosen you…but never forget that all who have loved you have chosen you. In all their imperfections, their journey’s, and in their way. Even when they do not stay, they have all chosen you. That will never change. When you feel left behind, they have simply chosen a different path for themselves. It is neither wrong nor right, it simply is.

How can that be when we’re supposed to follow YOU to our life’s path?

All path’s lead back to me eventually.

Yes, I do know this. I read his words of love to me, love letters greater than any I have been given. Why did I need to do that!?

His words are beautiful and sacred and most importantly, true. You needed to remember what it is to be loved by a man. You have seen imperfection and tragedy, disease and magnificence all exist within one man. And you’ve known and loved more than one. They are all of these things; passion and emotionally distant, fierce and lax, holy and crude, deep and shallow…just as you are. All things exist within you, within man. You needed to remember how deep it was, and how painful, and allow both sides to coexist. There is not a reconciliation, but an acceptance of what simply is. He is a good example of this.

No man is without his own pain, or without his own triumphs. Just as you are. It will help you make your choice, which comes suddenly and without warning. I bless you to feel, my love. Just feel your way through it. It is not your head that is needed in this next choice you will make of which direction your life will take. So you have been practicing…and I bless you to sink into your heart to feel what you should do. I once carried your heart until it could beat again in your chest, healed and made whole. I now carry your mind, if you let me, to be stripped of hidden shame and anxiety, unnecessary words and analyzation beyond healthy boundaries to keep you out of your heart. 

My mind is yours, Abba. Savior. This gray pulsing matter that holds so much intelligence and memory and innovation and imagination…I give my mind to you to heal. It needs to be less intrusive and smaller for a bit. I think I’ll take on the Homer approach to that. And I will live from and in my heart right now. I like the quiet, anyway.

That’s my girl! We will make great all that you surrender to us, and this you have seen, and this you know. I am proud of you, my beloved. Offerings are at the door. Allow them entrance, holy one. Many are waiting.

I love you forever. Talk soon.

Abba

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Category: Letters to God, My Gardener, The Other Side

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