You Make It Through

as written October 28, 2010 Single Dad Laughing asked a question. And I felt compelled to answer it for myself. “Write a short message to yourself, the self that was going through hell. What would you say to her?” I hesitate to write things like, “You’re not alone,” and “You’re stronger than you know,” or [...]

The Big Guns

as written October 27, 2010 The last couple days have found me strong; happy and sure and peaceful. Content without reason, open to love and powerful within my vulnerability because I love and am safe within myself. That in and of itself is a mighty miracle. And so, it was with simple and quiet acquiescence [...]

All Hallows Eve

as written October 23, 2010 I went to the Language of the Heart (Yoga) workshop with the amazing Carrie Friday the 22nd. She walked, talked and moved us through steps 10, 11, and 12. 10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it. 11. Sought through prayer and meditation to [...]

October 9th And Stuff

as written October 10, 2010 I’ve been in my heart. Cutting off my head. Don’t want to think. To bring “think” into the thick mix. Feeling isn’t so scary down here in this beating organ, because it is quiet and devoid of any annoying and incessant chatter. But here, right now, my heart is also not all [...]

The Call

I couldn’t help what I felt as I read what she had bravely shared. My feelings fell onto the page like a before untapped vein, now slit open… We (society in general) celebrate addicts (and other mental illnesses) who achieve sobriety (sanity) much like we celebrated returning Vietnam vets back in the 70′s: With silence. [...]

Emotionalysis

as written September 2, 2010 Jen – I so can’t wait to see you tonight. I’m excited for you to be a part of the dinner with my varied friends from different circles so that my mother, as she visits me here, can see this new life I’ve created from the ashes. I need some [...]

Oil And Water

as written September 1, 2010 From a good friend who also was at this meeting; his comments to me and me to him as we sorted through our feelings. “Monica! Wow – It is simply amazing how connected you are to wisdom. Here’s what I want to talk to you about – the unavoidable fact that AA [...]

In Reverse

as written August 31, 2010 Codependency in reverse. Ycnednepedoc. (Basically, acne jonesin’ for a pedi). Conversation with a sister, on her possible reactions to her husband and finding more drug evidence on the kitchen counter, and how she didn’t want to react with anger because that will immediately shut HIM down, and trying to figure [...]

Little Red Book

as written from January to September of 2010, in the margins of a tiny red calendar I carried with me. It caught my thoughts during meetings, work, gatherings, or quiet moments when the words would come. January: False Evidence Appearing Real. Fuck Everything And Run. What FEAR stands for. “If you carry your own lantern, you need not [...]

Biggest Losers

as written August 13, 2010 A friend repeated some things their premarital counselor shared, and one of them seemed to make all the cells within my body tingle, exhale, feel validated: In regards to the fact that his addiction affects her equally, “She has just as much to lose as he does.” So as he fights, she fights [...]

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