In Silence

as written September 25, 2010 As I lay in yoga this morning, the quick picture that came as I went within and searched for her – (my spirit…to see in what state she was at now) I found her. Laid out, not tiny and small, but in full size as my body, in perfect proportion. [...]

Deflection

as written August 5, 2010 Anxiety! About not having W. around, feeling like my protective boundaries are wavering in some ways, absorbing others energy and not sure what to make of it. We had our last session for a while, as she is having her twin boys next week. She’ll be gone for about two [...]

Squeeze It All Out

as written July 21, 2010 Five years ago, as my reality bumped up more insistently at the door of my impressive denial, I blocked out the loud knocking by covering my ears with my hands, and singing a loud, off-tune LA-LA-LA-LA-LADEEDA! I was able to add to the buffering by making myself sick over and over and [...]

Gone Out Again

as written July 7, 2010 Told W. all about taking my Star back. She was more happy than I would have liked. Ha. As we examined the emerging fears, what came up was that I’m harboring a fear of (get this) NOT losing him, but of having a healthy relationship with him. I was afraid [...]

Today’s Menu

as written May 14, 2010 Oooohhhh therapy, how I need thee. Every hour, I need thee! I recognize the piling up inside, the emergence and triggering and grieving parts of me that just balloon up inside like those growing ball things that capture Mr. Incredible…until I am surrounded and squeezed and suffocated and crushed to [...]

Qualified For My Contract

as written April 23, 2010 Recently, (thanks via W.), I’ve been justifying feelings of anger towards my dad. I was afraid to feel my anger towards him because (knowing how he is) I didn’t want him to feel abandoned or unloved by me. When he feels unloved and that no one is on his side, [...]

Let The Sadness Drain

as written April 3, 2010 Therapy. I was feeling used…and not by Adam. I was making myself sick to try and make Brent stay. He would always take care of me when I was sick, always. So I have kept myself sick because I am sad he is moving away. Very, very sad. And I [...]

Don’t Get Preggo!

as written March 12, 2010 Therapy therapy therapy – I worked a lot on forgiving others who have judged my happiness and my joy. How for so long my tendency used to be to reign what happiness I did have in or push it out according to who I was around and who I felt [...]

Middle Ground

as written February 26, 2010 Met with W. last night. Everything right now is about changing my perception of things, and changing my choice in all of it. First, she talked to me about how father’s are how their daughters find/feel self-esteem, relate to men, relationships, etc. My dad was one extreme or the other, so [...]

My Shire

as written February 20, 2010 This month’s HOYH was amazing. Amazing in that it COULD be amazing even though I was shut down some since therapy the night before. Not sure why. We had some newcomers, and launched right in. The theme was “The Healing Power of Love,” and since this is me – it’s [...]

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