The Big Guns

as written October 27, 2010 The last couple days have found me strong; happy and sure and peaceful. Content without reason, open to love and powerful within my vulnerability because I love and am safe within myself. That in and of itself is a mighty miracle. And so, it was with simple and quiet acquiescence [...]

A Year It’s Been It’s Been It’s Been

as written December 3, 2009 Today is the one year anniversary to my divorce being finalized. Okay then. Moving on to other long-lasting collateral damage from addiction: FINANCIAL RUIN. Thousands of dollars run up in MY name because he opened accounts, forged checks, stole money in my name as well as his. So – creditors [...]

Wo. Thoughts About (What Else) MEN

as written October 30, 2009 Something that pissed me off during therapy on Tuesday night was when I was talking about my current pain about how men fall in love with me, love me passionately, but then none of them ever stay. No one stays. And this anger and fury just rise up within me when W. says, [...]

A Fog Lifts (to see the Bears)

as written August 26, 2009 Written over the period of a couple weeks as I tried to find my way out of it. And the experiences that brought me to it in the first place. Wow. Talk about tears. There were DOOZIES last night in therapy. Holy crap a lot came up. This is the result [...]

A Fog Descends

as written August 26, 2009 Written over the period of a couple weeks as I tried to find my way out of it. And the experiences that brought me to it in the first place. I am in and “Out of the Woods” today. There are spiritual (and I’ll add emotional) crops that require months, years, and [...]

Army Of My Darkness

as written March 28, 2009 Monica: I have a lot going inside me right now. Adam: Yeah you do. Tell me about it. Monica: Completely different emotions – from hatred to loyalty to mom issues – I can see my heart, and there’s all these areas of construction and demolition and re-construction and planting and [...]

Little Girl’s Pink Toes

as written September 23, 2008 Saturday. September 20, 2008: a miracle like I have never before seen. I’m struggling even writing this, any of it. Not wanting to, but wanting to write it because I want to see, because I want to remove some of it from my overloaded heart, mind, body, and spirit… Saturday [...]

To Save A Life

as written July 20, 2008 I had to see him. I drove to the sober living house, the beautiful house with the serenity prayer stenciled on the wall. I walked downstairs to his corner bedroom, where he lay on our futon. I went to the bathroom. His bathroom. And there was a woman’s bathroom products [...]

The Great Surrender

Brasstronauts Sing to me today… as written July 18, 2008 My most powerful and merciful Shepherd, my Jehovah, I come before you, today – in deep humility and in immeasurable and unbearable grief and agony, and I ask from the bottom of my heart that you forgive my shortcomings and sins and prideful heart and [...]

The Final Death

as written July 14, 2008 Heavenly Mother, Brent told me last night that he wants to quit his Home Depot job. He can’t make enough money there, but mostly it’s because he says he wants to get away from all the girls. How they are so forward and it’s really hard for him because he’s [...]

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