The Big Guns

as written October 27, 2010 The last couple days have found me strong; happy and sure and peaceful. Content without reason, open to love and powerful within my vulnerability because I love and am safe within myself. That in and of itself is a mighty miracle. And so, it was with simple and quiet acquiescence [...]

Pissed

as written August 29, 2010 I’m watching the mutts for Adam. I realize more and more how little he gives me. There was a pile of birthday cards on the table. The recent one from her (the insane woman he dated for a couple months a year before me, who he continues to be ‘just [...]

Sit Deeper Into Chair

as written August 15, 2010 Why I’m angry: Because Adam’s friends came down and he didn’t invite me to any part of it. The first time he hasn’t done that. Because on the phone he sounded like he could give a rats ass, that his “no plans” for Sunday might turn into any plans better [...]

My Batman Begins

as written June 29, 2010 Monica: As I was driving home last night I thought again about another perspective of Grace – to me, grace can be felt more powerfully when you LET GO. God can’t force you to do anything, so when you finally let go and let God – when you trust him because you are [...]

Reliving Elementary

as written March 1, 2010 Ok Heavenly Father…I feel so much hostility and resentment from Adam, and as he’s ignoring me and acting like he could care less – I’m getting more and more agitated, and I don’t know how to stop it. He is not honest, builds higher walls even though he knows I [...]

Vulva Day

as written February 16, 2010 I am angry. At the big, vague things that I feel safe being angry at (situations, ideas, disease of addiction, culture of church, etc.) but I am also mother fucking pissed at Adam, too. His little snide comments, today at lunch – talking about Valentine’s day (or Vulva Day as [...]

His Sadness

as written February 8, 2010 haunts my steps, and I scream out into the void that this would be easier to forget if I didn’t see his beautiful face and somber eyes every single day of my life. If I didn’t hear his voice two cubes and one aisle over, if I didn’t hear him laugh at [...]

A Handful Of Dust

as written December 15, 2009 Monica: My dreams were jacked. Adam: Mine too. Monica: Mine were disjointed too but then had streaks of very clear. I swear…I’m quite sick to death of old wounds presenting themselves, even if it is necessary and just another level. But they were of you (go figure). Adam: It makes sense. Monica: And [...]

A Year It’s Been It’s Been It’s Been

as written December 3, 2009 Today is the one year anniversary to my divorce being finalized. Okay then. Moving on to other long-lasting collateral damage from addiction: FINANCIAL RUIN. Thousands of dollars run up in MY name because he opened accounts, forged checks, stole money in my name as well as his. So – creditors [...]

An Honest Babe

as written November 24, 2009 like honest Abe. Honesty is courage untamed…Abba said to me. I keep repeating it. I came clean with W. with all the things I had not been telling her – and I told her all about being really angry at her. She was concerned about my need to be perfect [...]

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