Just A Number

as written July 31, 2008 Brent sent a text with his new phone number. “Hey everyone this is my new number. 648-8720″ And now, I am filled with this anger tinged with despair, and I’m trying to work out why. He took himself off of “our” plan because he now uses the phone for work, [...]

Missed A Small Piece

  “Are you alright? I might have missed a small piece…” Keep reading…

Stumble Down From Grace

as written July 28, 2008 Wow….a gentle and profound peace fills my entire being, and I am filled and poured from and into light. This calming, soothing liquid of God that permeates everywhere – and brings the solace that I have so long sought after. I texted this to Brent, as my fear and anxiety [...]

No Mirror Mirror On The Wall

as written July 26, 2008 I need to pull myself from Brent, because now, even now, after feeling there is no other choice than to leave – I am still attached. Lord, forgive me my aching heart and my failures. Make white as snow my sins and do not leave me even when I falter. [...]

Buoyed

as written July 25, 2008. With the sustenance of The Gift, I gave up trying to swim against the current. Instead, I let myself be carried by it. No matter that I knew not the direction we went, or what would happen next. I simply, stopped fighting. I floated and floated, oblivious to the world [...]

Let It Be Seen

as written July 24, 2008 After months of therapy, rehab, Family Group, 12-step meetings, ARP meetings, conversations with sisters and friends – I have noticed something. The instant that someone starts to tear up as they share what’s in their heart, there is always a reliable codependent handing her the tissues to wipe it away. [...]

The Best Picker

as written July 24, 2008 “Blueberries as big as the end of your thumb/ Real sky-blue, and heavy, and ready to drum/ In the cavernous pail of the first one to come!” -Robert Frost Blueberries…remind me of my mother. For years, she would call us from the house to the rusty gray station wagon, the little [...]

The Gift

Within minutes, and continuing on for weeks, came the response to my Plea. I fed upon their honest and heart-felt words like manna, like water to a dying woman, like a ravenous creature who had lost her own light. And I found that it wasn’t hard to believe the love they bestowed upon me…that it [...]

The Plea

as written July 22, 2008 After the terrifying crux of events just two days before, and the ensuing realization of the stark and and naked truth of my own self-hatred, I did something I have never before done: I asked for help. Devoid of the ability to conjure any self-worth of my own, and facing [...]

To Save A Life

as written July 20, 2008 I had to see him. I drove to the sober living house, the beautiful house with the serenity prayer stenciled on the wall. I walked downstairs to his corner bedroom, where he lay on our futon. I went to the bathroom. His bathroom. And there was a woman’s bathroom products [...]

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