The Final Death

as written July 14, 2008 Heavenly Mother, Brent told me last night that he wants to quit his Home Depot job. He can’t make enough money there, but mostly it’s because he says he wants to get away from all the girls. How they are so forward and it’s really hard for him because he’s [...]

Stopped

as written July 11, 2008 I am in this in-between space; and I do not know how to cross this rocky and desert land to the “next” phase of life or recovery. This space where time has chosen to take a breath, and I feel I cannot move this way or that until my heart [...]

The Refiner’s Fire

as written July 10, 2008 1 Behold, I will send my messenger, and he shall prepare the way before me: and the Lord, whom ye seek, shall suddenly come to his temple, even the messenger of the covenant, whom ye delight in: behold, he shall come, saith the Lord of hosts. 2 But who may abide the day of his [...]

Unmanageable

as written July 9, 2008 Powerlessness is an aspect of humility. Fhhhhhhhhhhhhhuuuuuuu… -I am powerless over Brent’s sex drive and his sex addiction -I am powerless that Brent dates and has sex with other women -I am powerless over the reality that these women know he is married -I am powerless over Brent’s love – [...]

Hall Of Fame

as written July 8, 2008 I, Monica, heretofore (on celebrated encouragement from The Woman) induct myself into the GRIEVING HALL OF FAME. And in commencement of such a momentous occurrence, I will follow the ceremony by throwing myself a BIG. FAT. WHOPPING. PITY. PARTY. YeeeeEEEEEE HAAAAAAAaaaAAAA, BITCHES!!!! And off I’ll go, lopping heads like the Queen [...]

My Love Runs Down You

as written July 7, 2008 Brent painted onto a cup; then put it willingly in the thousand degree kiln. Not to destroy it – but to carve the words permanently into the porcelain. The refiners fire does not destroy or erase God’s love, but to etch it permanently into our soul. I remember these words. [...]

The Violet’s Fragrance

as written July 5, 2008 My body heavy as an unforgiving boulder, I hauled myself to Family Group. It was the only place I could break in safety. The only place that could instill hope for living, even for just the next few minutes. How glad I am that I did…to sit beneath the pictures [...]

A Small Moment

as written July 4, 2008 1 And then shall that which is written come to pass: Sing, O barren, thou that didst not bear; break forth into singing, and cry aloud, thou that didst not travail with child; for more are the children of the desolate than the children of the married wife, saith the Lord. 4 [...]

My Withdrawals

as written July 3, 2008 …When Brent doesn’t have anything to hide, he doesn’t get upset or angry or shut down. Simple as that. Now, though…he knows what real love is and feels like. He knows what real happiness is. He knows what it’s like to see into eternity and see me standing there. He [...]

Second Sunday Miracle

as written June 29, 2008 I went to church with Debbie and Frank. Stayed all 3 hours. It was so hard, there was a lot of anxiety. But I took the sacrament and could feel the healing, atoning, forgiving energy and light of Christ permeate through my body. I spent the afternoon with their whole [...]

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