The Trouts

as written June 19 & 20, 2008 Among my sisters, there is a mother that I’ve grown incredibly close to: Debbie. She’s a mother to one of the boys that went through the Ranch with Brent. She brings her enormous blue plastic water thermos everywhere she goes, she speaks with her hands, hails from my [...]

A Love Letter From Meth

Shared with permission, this letter was written by one close to my heart as he sat in jail, feeling the consequences of a disease bigger than himself. Thank you, M.T. for allowing me to share your feelings. They have a tendency to do this, these feelings of his: the exodus of his emotions marching forth [...]

The Grace of Grief

as written June 18, 2008 I read How to Survive the Loss of a Love by Harold Bloomfield in one sitting. Little quipettes of insight as I make my way through the thick, prairie-like grasses of grief. Instead of waiting daily, I swallowed them whole; loud greedy mouthfuls. I just needed more. One page wasn’t enough. [...]

Dual Citizenship

as written June 19, 2008 The following was written and shared at one of the Ranch graduation ceremonies. Held monthly, they are celebrations and validations of the men and family members who complete the first few months of emotional and physical sobriety. Before I launched into the below, I felt an explanation was necessary for [...]

Spot It

as written June 25, 2008 Droplets of wisdom from The Woman that I need to post up all around every room in my house. Post-its; yellow squares that will make up the brick road that will lead me assuredly to the Emerald City. “I’m off to see the Wizard! The wonderful wizard of Oz! Because [...]

Rejection

as written June 24, 2008 It all started with my sister Emily talking about this second step workshop that her sponsor is leading. In preparing for this, it advised to think about “What areas in your life have you not given to God?” As soon as I wrote those words down, the answer came: Brent’s [...]

An Unsafe Harbor

as written June 15, 2008 Dear Jehovah, How many times must I reach this place? This horrible space that reeks of despair and anguish and self-pity and rejection and loneliness? How oft must I fall to my knees in your Garden, bleeding from all my pores in a pain so great only you can fathom? [...]

The Beast

as written June 13, 2008 “The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.” –Thomas Merton No Man Is An Island Addiction, by its very nature, keeps us on [...]

I Am Only As Sick As My Secrets

as written June 7, 2008 Today I dropped my Courage to Change daily reader and it opened to February 16th. “In a tornado, you not only have to look out for the tremendous winds, but also whatever the winds pick up and hurl in your direction. Like a tornado, alcoholism (or any kind of addiction) [...]

Art Within The Mess

as written June 6, 2008 Brent will get his 6 month chip in 5 days (small medallions that are tokens of continued recovery, given out at 12-step meetings). I am so proud of him. I see such a giant of a man, see him grow taller and taller each day. But where am I? I [...]

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