The Advisor

as written June 2, 2008 Most of my life, people have told me how great the advice I gave them was. Monica has the answers to everything! Ask Monica! She’ll know what you should do! Tell Monica, she’ll get you back on track. My very name, my God-given name bestowed upon me by my parents [...]

The Sunday It All Happened

as written June 1, 2008 I had felt the foreboding, the imminent pain, the heartbreak on the horizon for days before Brent asked if I wanted to see him on Sunday. Apparently, I wasn’t the only one that felt his overwhelming anxiety and the fact that he was struggling with deciding whether or not he [...]

Amen To All Step 1′s

as written May 30, 2008 Am I back to step 1? I think we find ourselves sometimes in the midst of multiple steps all at once. Some of my character defects, certain situations, problems, pains, have a life of their own – so it makes sense that each one would be on a different step [...]

Breath Of Pain

as written 5.29.08 Rollerblading through my neighborhood when the light was fading, I sat down on top of a great hill and looked towards the snow covered mountains. The sky was lavender, dying softly, and the sounds of life chirped and throbbed with a palpable energy all around me. As I shared my Pain with [...]

Street Corner Prayer

as written May 23, 2008 “There are no victims, only volunteers.” Driving in Salt Lake on Wednesday with Meesh, we stopped at the corner of Temple Square. As I looked to the left, I saw two homeless people, both older. The woman was in a wheelchair and the man was kneeling in front of her, [...]

Brent’s Letter To His Dove

as written May 22, 2008 W. talked to me about something incredible. Something I’ve never thought of before. As I sat before her, despondent in my inability to reach my husband on any level…she said that it’s absolutely possible to access love from someone who wasn’t capable of loving you right now. In my belief [...]

God: The Linebacker

as written May 21, 2008 Breaking news! Something I’ve heartbreakingly realized. Something that feels at the same time unfair and totally logical: Their recovery will not heal you. Because healing is an inside job. Nothing that they can DO (outwardly) will heal your insides. It’s a simple truth that is unalterable. Truth is truth is [...]

Kid Gloves

as written May 20, 2008 My sister Jen called and said what she had been feeling for me, what she had heard. And as she spoke to me, I felt the cauldrons empty and the poisons drain; a mix between terror and relief: “You are being shielded and protected from Brent right now. From what [...]

Fence Sitter

as written May 18, 2008 Brent called early this morning. I explained the bare outline of how I was feeling. Not only did he not agree, but he couldn’t even see how I could feel this way. He saw nothing, and is so far removed from me that not only could he not feel or [...]

Small Things

as written May 18, 2008 I am grateful for: 1. My body. Powerful and marvelous 2. Today. Beautiful, warm, mountain top 3. Sisters – helping me process and validate 4. That Brent graduated from the Ranch. He finished. 5. My wonderful car 6. My dogs that show me how to love 7. My spiritual gifts that [...]

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