Sisters

In the LDS faith, we call one another Sisters and Brothers; a familiar term that denotes family and a bond that is sacred. But I truly did not understand the word until now. Almost immediately after Brent was admitted into the Ranch, he started referring to his fellow addicts under the same roof as his [...]

The Ride of Life

as written May 14, 2008 (The following is the quip of my life right now. The elusive “balance” that we all seek, trying to find peace and understanding in the middle of our crazy lives. My compadre Jen and I laughed until we cried making fun of our inability to remain in that coveted place [...]

My Own Cross

as written May 12, 2008 As codependents, we try to hang ourselves on our addicts’ cross – thinking somehow that that’s the way to save them. But instead of cutting them down and putting ourselves in their place (our God complex) we are literally saying, “Move over, you selfish apathetic man! You’re taking up all [...]

Grand Bastard

as written May 11, 2008 Despite my revolving, groundless, turbulent personal life – I have something that still makes me laugh, every single day, day in and day out. My co-workers. Working for a start-up software company (there are about 15 of us) has its challenges and its perks. One of the perks? No HR. [...]

I, The Archer

as written May 10, 2008 Wednesday night after Family Group, The Woman and I sat talking until near midnight – and I thanked her for allowing me to exercise my spiritual gifts through her – my great gift is that I am able to part the flesh and see inside: who they are, the good [...]

A Quick Thank You

I wanted to take a quick break from the telling of my life, and say thank you. I’ve received so many emails and comments that not only let me know I am not alone, but validate my desire in telling my story at all. I want you to know I am so thankful for your [...]

The Letter I’ll Never Give Him

as written May 9, 2008 I wrote another letter of pleading to God, after I felt I had to make the agonizing decision that Brent does not love me anymore. He answered that letter in therapy with W. when she felt inspired to encourage me to do something to help me deal with that pain [...]

A Crown of Thorns

as written May 8, 2008 One might think that addiction is rare…that it passes over most households like the dark spirit of death who spared the doorways covered in the blood of the lamb. But if you think this, if you believe it – you are mistaken. “Behind every door,” a Bishop said about this [...]

Reason & Rhyme

as written May 8, 2008 I have yet to understand the flow of this ocean, the ebb of my life. I only know the hand that swirls the sand miles beneath where the sun ceases to bring light. I have only traipsed to the edge of where the sun starts to fade, where my shadows [...]

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