A Forgotten Hand

as written March 29, 2008 The Woman often talks about how important writing is, how it’s a direct line from your heart down to your hand…but she brought up another technique the other night that I think I’m going to try – writing with your non-dominant hand. There have been studies, she says, that have [...]

The Place I Hold

as written March 28, 2008 I want to feel like I’m ready to finish my step 3 (“Made a decision to turn our will and our lives [and heart] over to the care of God as we understood him”), but I feel comfortable here. Already, this process has been absorbed into my comfort zone (I [...]

My Rated ‘R’ Life

as written March 27, 2008 Just because church leaders advise us against watching rated ‘R’ movies does NOT mean that our lives do not, should not, or could not resemble the graphic, painful (and true) pictures and stories portrayed in them. Somehow, we have gotten the impression that if we live a totalitarian obedient life, [...]

Land of ‘What If?’

as written March 20, 2008 I’m deciding to leave the Land of ‘WHAT IF?‘ (what if he uses, cheats, lies, relapses, leaves me, what if our children become drug addicts, what if he dies?..). Leaving the Land of What If does NOT and WILL not make me naive again. Does not make me stupid, too [...]

Virginia Elephants

as written March 19, 2008 Therapy with W. last night. Because I was desperate to start letting go of the horribly huge, take-up-so-much-space-inside-greedy-heartbreaker called Infidelity – she started to talk me through some techniques to try and let it go. She brought me around and around, but no matter how much I tried to force [...]

The Lost Story Of The Scapegoat

as written March 18, 2008 Once upon a time, in Judea long long ago, the people of the land lived their lives as we do today. When the backs of the people were bowed with the burden of sin, pain, wounds, broken hearts, mistakes, and self-hatred, they followed a ritual in order to cleanse and [...]

A Joint Pain

as written March 17, 2008 I don’t want the infidelity inside me anymore, don’t want to harbor it; stuffed inside like rotting fruit, poisoning my organs and innards, spoiling everything good like the vineyards of Jacob. But – wanting to start bringing up the emotion, I mentioned to Brent in the car that I had [...]

The Most Special

as written March 14, 2008 Lately, I have felt some pride creep back in and I abhor it. I felt jealousy when The Woman spent more time with others than with me – I AM THE MOST SPECIAL ONE, DAMMIT! Ha! I hate feeling that I NEED people so badly to fill out the description [...]

Outside The Lines

as written March 13, 2008 “Your journal should contain your true self rather than a picture of you when you are ‘made up’ for a public performance…there is a temptation to paint one’s virtues in rich color and whitewash the vices. You should truthfully record your real self and not what other people may see [...]

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